You’re Not Perfect
You’re not perfect and I couldn’t like you better that way
Perfect people are horrible and they might even know it
You just come out and say what you want and are assertive
And adventurous, so don’t criticize yourself for not being perfect
Like some other people seem to be perfect because they may
not be
Either because they have their problems of their own which
you should
Not worry about because it’s not your business so why don’t
do just go
Back to doing what you do best which is being yourself and
don’t worry
About how anyone else is doing because you only have one
life to live
And you might as well live it being yourself and not
worrying about criticism.
The Lost Simons
I wonder whatever happened to the lost Simons
Or the lost Salmans or the lost Berlins
The ones who sprung from Dov-Ber’s secret affair
And got lost from us somewhere in New York
With Henry, the only knowledgeable one
Just like the exact method in which he escaped Auschwitz
Or if it even was Auschwitz or another camp
Did his small stature help him jump off the train unnoticed?
And what of the other son Dov-Ber allegedly killed in a
drunken rage?
A vague vignette with details lost with the lost Simons
They could be Paul Simon, Neil Simon, Sam Simon, even Bill
Simon
The ones who sprung from Dov-Ber’s secret affair
And may remain lost from us forever.
All the Good Songs
All the good songs by all your favorite artists
That you’ve listened to hundreds of times
And all the 3 Musketeers bars
And all the Dr. Pepper shakes
And all the fizzy lifting drinks
And all the band shirts
And all the green shirts
And all the budget CDs
And all the Richard Brautigan poems
And all the Ralph Bakshi movies
And all the Simpsons episodes
And all the SpongeBob episodes
And all the South Park episodes
And all the Family Guy episodes
And all the Beavis and Butt-head episodes
And all the CBD oils
And all the YTMNDs
And all the fortune cookie fortunes
And all the crossword puzzles
And all the parody songs in your head
Are not enough to make your supervisor give you a second
chance at your job.
Time to start searching for a new one.
Thanksgiving Eve
It’s the night before Thanksgiving and I’m walking back from
work to my apartment
Catch a whiff of some weed on Chorro Street (the house with
the huge Mila Kunis poster) and I’m suddenly inspired for some strange reason
Especially strange as 2017 has been pretty much a no-show
for my creative work
Blame it on working all year for once and paying my rent and
bills but I’ve had plenty of free time as well
And I’ve blown it mostly on the same old media I’ve consumed
every other year
Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, Zappa, Sublime, Green Day, Beatles,
Nirvana, Weird Al, Monkey Island, Simpsons, Family Guy, Nicktoons, Beavis and
blah blah blah
It’s crazy how my desire for creativity got me stuck in a
rut
My ADD gave itself to my OCD
I got trapped in these tight wad boxes
Poems had to be 8 lines, stories had to feature Walter Jid,
Johnny Lurg, or some other icon of my own nostalgia
No wonder I’ve had writer’s block
Wrote 2,000 words for NaNoWriMo and called it quits
So little poetry or prose to speak of
A decade ago I told myself I’d be “’07 laureate” but all I
lacked is effort…seems about right
But let’s try positivity for once
Mindfulness, got to make my therapist proud
I didn’t read all of that Jon Kabat-Zinn for nothing
Whenever a negative thought arises, replace it with a
positive one
Or let my breathing take a hold
Breathing, footsteps, music, whatever can replace it
Enough with these intrusive thoughts
You can do better than thoughts like that, I believe in you.
I’m Waiting for You,
Fry
I’m waiting for you, Fry
Like the lost dog I am
Abandoned and betrayed
After all these years
I’m waiting for you, Fry
Though I forgot your scent
Everything else still lingers
In the cyclone of my mind
I’m waiting for you, Fry
Though you’re never coming back
Though you dropped so many
hints
Like “I can’t do this anymore”
I’m waiting for you, Fry
Because “get over it”
And “let it go” and “move on”
Are words I cannot comprehend
I’m waiting for you, Fry
Because once upon a time
You said “I’ll always be there”
And I know you’d never lie
I’m waiting for you, Fry
As you shelter other dogs
As one millennium passes
Sincerely yours, Seymour Asses
Keep the Weird Mind
Flying
So what is the guy who makes the moon rise
So happiness keeps the man in motion with what it takes
Man on a stick with a pullet in the sky that makes it fun
Losing what’s best gives the dark rising a potion in the air
So why is the legend of the avian son so fertile when it’s
raw
I don’t know why the road forks the way it must at times
And why it causes a bird to fly into the wild mountains I
haven’t a clue
I just keep the weird mind flying into the distant horizon
alone.
Language Barrier
She is so incredible
Her life is unbelievable
But we cannot understand a word the other says
We’ll be together every week and then
We’ll use Google Translate again
Every time we hear a single word the other says
This language barrier infuriates
As much as my laziness to learn
We could be one but Babel makes us two
So will I always find myself behind again
As I fail to make it work again
This language barrier makes me impotent
While I only achieve impatience.
Doing It For Her
Even though we only meet other week
I find my lost pulse in her
Every conversation brings me back to life
I become the man I used to be
The man people love and miss
With bounce in his step and a smile on his face
And when she leaves me, I start to die again
Wither into nothingness, feel less than a life
Still I do it for her when she’s gone
Because I know she wants me to carry on.
Sandwich Artist
I see you at the counter
Your pink hair in a bun
Blue and pink studs in your ears
Tattoos of Link and Totoro on your arms
I order a footlong cold cut combo
I say that’s what I’d like
But I can’t say what I really want
Because I already know your answer.
Poem for Scott
Weiland
Scott Weiland died last week, this you should know
He piloted big empty flies from the vasoline into a plush
garden
Of interstellar crackermen and unglued sex type creeps
Teaching them what’s dead and bloated and what’s not for
sale
Days of dancing and music seemed not so tiny then
But perhaps we must look down and between the lines
As we witness the sour truth that he’s half the man he used
to be
He’s off to the stone temple in the core of the purple sky.
I Will Not Cease to
Exist
I will not cease to exist
Just because you can’t understand my intentions
Or you think I’m too intense or real for you
You can send your thought police to my door
And have them try to seize my poems from my brain
And my freedom of expression from my lips
But it will all be in vain
Most of the time I keep to myself
I don’t bother anyone
I just want my peace of mind
And my freedom of existence.
The Old Man
There is an old man in my head who keeps me from writing
poetry because he doesn’t understand it
He reads a couple lines and throws it away, cursing me in a
drunken rage
I spend every day trying to avoid him as I go to work and
sort through books and come home
There is a young girl with him in my head and they spread
rumors about me, many of them false
Which keep the rest of the village from accepting me as one
of them like they once almost did
Then I try to apologize to the man for the things that I did
which made him so unruly
But he just stares at me with no heart in his eyes before
abruptly slipping back into his cave
He invites people of all ages into that cave but he’ll never
invite me back, not after what I did
No matter how much I pray and repent and volunteer so that
I’ll gain positive karma
The old man will always be stuck in my head, driving people
away from my body.
Lost Chums
I was so stuck in my negativity that I did not acknowledge
their unconditional love
With their kind if occasionally misguided advice backfiring
in their faces
I watched them all give up and disappear from my life
So frustrated at me that when I asked them to forgive me
My words of atonement flew off and vanished into a starless
night.
Little Devil
I sold my soul to a Little Devil, a blessing in disguise
I refused to read the warning that was right before my eyes
As I bounced around the room in joy, I forgot my chronic
woes
I need to summon her every time I want to write my prose
Her locks are long and snakelike, curling around my mind
How long will it take until I can no longer look behind?
Help me, Little Angel, take my pain away
From the Little Devil who has only caused dismay.
Mila
Mila, why can’t you see our Semitic roots entwine
I can only guess you have other Semitic loves than mine
Your darkest past allures me, I want to know your life
But I’ll never be your lover, let alone your wife
There will be others soon, I can only hope
But until then your beauty makes it hard to cope
Someday in Jerusalem, we’ll meet again, my love
Reunited before our God in the Third Temple above.
Foolish Lurg
Foolish Lurg, realize she isn’t coming back
She won’t return your phone calls
She won’t reenter your life
You have to start anew, find another
But get to know thyself first
There’s a great world out there
It’s much greater than her
And much greater than you.
Junipero Serra
He spent six decades a slaver
We watched in horror as he turned many an ancient California
empire into a whitewashed baptismal
Even his own state’s citizens don’t want him
And yet the Pope does
He committed his inhumane crimes in the name of agriculture,
architecture, and engineering
All of which could have thrived without his horrid slave
labor.
People Think I’m Crazy
People think I’m crazy
But I’m too lazy to shave
Or learn to drive or to cook
Or even to play the guitar
Much less have the gall
To learn to aim a gun
Or even to buy one
And its ammunition
I spend my days watching cartoons
And listening to rock music
And reading the occasional comic book
In my own private company
When I go out, it’s for exercise
Or to grab a bite to eat
I want no part of your misery
I’m in my own world
And you’re in yours.
You Don’t Have the
Right to Be Depressed
You don’t have the right to be depressed because you are not
starving or African or black
You aren’t really white either but you are Jewish which is
close enough to majority status and your race slaughters those poor
Palestinians which makes you even worse than just being white so shame on you
for being depressed
You don’t have the right to be depressed because you don’t
have cancer or AIDS or any other terminal illness
You have autism but plenty of people have grown out of
autism and gone on to lead successful lives so shame on you for being autistic
and not being successful which spreads the stereotype that all autistic people
are unsuccessful and shame on you for being depressed
You don’t have the right to be depressed because depression
doesn’t exist and it’s just your way of trying to get attention and amuse
yourself so fuck you and shame on you for being depressed.
At the Library
At the library, I make dreams come alive for children,
teens, and adults alike every day
By searching through books and giving readers the ones they
think they deserve and enjoy
I find purpose in the poetry, profession in the prose, a
following in the fiction
Reciprocating said purpose with others is a life experience
for all
It has only been one month since I started working at the
library again
But I already feel like a bona fide library scientist.
Get a Life
Get a life, even if it’s a meaningless life
Filled with inane blog ramblings of digital chicken scratch
Get a life, in the present, not the future, not the past
To occupy time and space and stuff
Get a life, not death, you beautiful winner.
Wasted Time
I will never gain back the years I wasted feeling sorry for myself
And I will never gain back the years I wasted waiting for
things to get better
I will never gain back the years I wasted waiting for her to
call me back
And I will never gain back the years I wasted making art
which is now lost forever
I will never gain back the years I wasted trying to
socialize but not fitting in
And I will never gain back the years I wasted trying and
failing to repent for my sins
I will never gain back the years I wasted thinking I was a
god
And I will never gain back the years I wasted thinking I was
the devil
I will never gain back the years I wasted mocking the
already mocked
And I will never gain back the years I wasted mocking the
not mocked enough
I will never gain back the years I wasted humming that tune
in my head
And I will never gain back the years I wasted trying to
remember what it was
I will never gain back the years I wasted looking for
answers to questions never asked
And I will never gain back the years I wasted solving
mysteries which never occurred
I will never gain back the years I wasted writing jokes
nobody understood
And I will never gain back the years I wasted searching for
lost jokes I believed were good.
I’m With You in
Berkeley
I’m with you in Berkeley where our four corners form a
perfect square
I’m with you in Berkeley where you can run five miles and it
seems like five minutes
I’m with you in Berkeley where our friendship lingers long
after the last summer ends
I’m with you in Berkeley where our souls go and never return
I’m with you in Berkeley where camp is life and the rest is
just details.
Homer and Marge
My misdeeds are millions
But she forgives every one
She sees through my crassness
And knows my heart is pure
They say we need therapy
But we’ve made it so long
26 years and counting
They’ll never stop our love.
Netanyahu
Through all your dogma, you shoo away those who need your
help most
Be it your detested West Side rival Barry, with the
charismatic twinkle in his eye
Or the young Jews who you claim to stand for while ignoring their
opinions
Can you really consider yourself leader when you divide the
world so?
There are people in your country that you refuse to see as
yours
And until you do, things will never be resolved like you
want them to
Please, Mr. Netanyahu, listen to your critics as well as
your supporters
It’s never too late to blossom into the spokesperson of your
people.
Jennifer Wears a
Leather Coat
Jennifer wears a leather coat which she received from her
abusive ex-boyfriend
She turned to me for guidance on solving her troubles and I
did quite well, I admit
But when the couple came to part, she turned away from me
and I stood alone in the cold new mist
Praying to God for a leather coat of my own.
Sam Simon and His
Amazing Cartoon Show
I may go out tomorrow if I can borrow a feeling to wear
Oh, he’d step out In style with his satirist’s wit and his
cartoon show
Cromulent, embiggening, sacrilicious, shinning
Oh, who would think a cartoon show
Could be well accepted by folks we know
It’s just amazing how fair people can be
The big attraction everywhere
Has been Sam Simon and his amazing cartoon show
It’s Sam Simon and his amazing cartoon show.
Basement Xanadu
Sometime during existence, we find ourselves seeking
splendid isolation in the midst of our own basement Xanadus
Gazing upward toward God, Heaven, a spider, and a roach
An overland where your folks don’t haggle over your rent
Where your degree in useless gives you more than cheap
retail and food service thrills
No more of these decades of sulking in General Jamin’s Soup
Court, begging a hag in a hairnet named Coral for seconds on the sloppy joes,
eating hell but pretending everything is Heaven
Stoic Arc
Nearly lost you in a fit of alleged disappointment
Are you waiting for me to get back to you?
Tomorrow you may ring and I may answer
As all my thoughts burrow in my head
Lying on the floor, I think of your warmth
Is life livable without you? I think so but
Every day I dream up conversations for you
Better move on then, for I’m only 24
Every day I waste will never reoccur
Life is precious, there will be others here
To be fair, you may not have been as accepted
Older generations are so blind to your kindness
Not like you and me, we know this world too well.
Son of Stoic Arc
This week I dreamed of a girl to the north
One who disappeared too soon
Now there's a void in my town
And I'm stuck asking myself the saddest questions
Long after it's considered normal or healthy to be doing so
Long after it had been a sensible time to write a poem like this
And her name and adjectives describing her echo through my mind night and
day
Remind me why I stayed in that doomed store well over 2 years after she
left
Eventually I came to accept I had wasted my life
Now the opportunity has arisen to make some changes instead
Though she'll never acknowledge me again at this point in time
Especially because she has so many better things on her horizon
Real life outside of my fantasies of her could be a pleasant place
If I take my aims seriously and don't continue to spend time pining for her
As if I even had a chance with her in the first place.
Genuine Article
I love the way you listen
And how you don't get upset when I vent
Because you know I'm not using you as a vehicle
Or worse yet, lashing out at you
We can just talk and it feels authentic
Unlike all the fake shit I deal with otherwise
You're the genuine article, don't change
We all should be so lucky to have you.
Shy
She is a shy girl and for her I am outgoing
She is a frail girl and for her I demonstrate strength
Her incredible potential seems to elude her and for that I weep
Because I know she can be so much more in due time
Until then I will continue to collect carts she cannot carry
Instead of watching her fragile spirit crumble with effort
My pale dark-haired angel with innocent eyes
Fresh from the land of garlic, she seeks only me.
Thinking About You
Thinking about you when there's nothing left to think about
We were one once ago but it seems like so long now
Please take me back to your Ivory Coast, it was so warm there
Times are tough but that doesn't mean we should have to stay apart
Life was not like it was now then and I hope you realize that
So think about returning and I'll think about seeing you
My little love blossom, time will bring you back to me
A little worse for the wear but 15 years will do that to a delicate flower.
Sunflower
Your black hair like jets in the sunny sky
Sunkissed skin and ocean blue eyes
You are everything to me
Your Black Mustang is home
Even though I usually hate Fords
And we will drink wine and stare
At waves in the sunburnt sea.
Dani
Dani is a bright beacon of joy in my darkest days
She gets me where others don't and I'm proud to call her my friend
The shittiest environment became pleasant in her company
And I hope she realizes how incredible she is to myself and others.
I Don’t Write Anymore
People often ask me or others if I’m still writing
And the truth is that the answer is usually no
Because I almost always have no inspiration anymore
Maybe if they stop asking me if I’m still writing
Then I will start writing again
But until then, I am not going to be writing much
I’ll be working, relaxing, walking around, watching cartoons
Reading books and listening to music but not writing
If I wanted to write, then I’d write.
I used to be a powerhouse of ideas and sentences
But lately the same few thoughts just take control
It’s like the same part of my brain that used to entertain
Now produces the same mindless drivel every day
Some people still like to write, and I wish them well
As long as they don’t ask me why I never hold the pen
Except for a silly doodle now and then, I’m no longer a creative dude
No, I no longer write anymore – do you?
Brain Fog
I wish I could uncloud all this brain fog
Which keeps me from thinking straight
I used to be so bright but now am so slow
And it makes them all laugh at me
So I feel blessed to be staying indoors
Away from their scornful stares
I just cloud myself in the brain fog
And relax in not thinking at all.
Apathetic
Apathetic to most things, what is there to take in?
It's a shame that interests are few and far between
This was an excellent world and there was much to do
But the brick walls in the mind were simply not willing
He could have cooked, he could have painted
He could have been some kind of scientist
But it simply didn't enthrall him, it seems
And he wasted his life as a result.
Even the Slightest
Even the slightest changes in lifestyle can be all but detrimental to one's
well-being
For instances, I never thought I'd return to drinking Earl Grey or English
Breakfast
Or that I'd delve any deeper into the oceans of Phish
Or read any more Henry Miller or even fucking finish The Madness of King
George
But then again I'm much more of a labyrinth than I previously thought
And the intrusive thoughts have only served as a retardation from
self-knowledge
For only when I truly know myself can I know how to know others in the way
I expressed
Envy over others knowing them when they did not truly know them, did they?
Flashbacks
These flashbacks in my head are really getting to me
Tired of remembering things to regret from decades ago
None of them remember any of this now anyway
But the same words keep flowing through my mind over and over
And it's crazy how they just won't stop no matter how I try
They laughed at me when I said I wished for peace of mind
Little did they know how much I wish I could be like the Dalai Lama
And stop letting them hurt me over and over and over and over again.
Some Other COVID Poem
Bored of being at home, bored of being at work
At least I'm enjoying my brief time six feet away from her
Knowing of course that when COVID ends she'll be gone
She'll be up in her own big world, apart from your tiny one
Try to get better in the meantime, whatever that means
Your life means something, at least I think it does
I don't know if I even really like her that much
I just like having something to care about right now.
Grandma
I could have been nicer to her
I didn't have to push her and lose my temper at her
Taking advantage of her I also regret
I wish I had treated her better
I could have been a much more loving grandson
By the end though, she forgot it all
Forgot what an asshole I was
And we simply loved each other with our simple minds.
Happiness
Happiness took me by surprise the other day
There was a lot I had missed out on in life
I had so few dreams that I was amazed
And thought about what I had to do
We all think things are not what they seem
And that something can be nothing, my friend
But the world is calling to me from afar
And I'm afraid I must take the call, or else!
Hard Time
Why do you think you have such a hard time letting go of this one event?
Because I don't give up easily, I keep my mind strong and am determined
To be the best man, the better man, no matter what the obstacle
There will never be a time that I can't accomplish what they say I can't
I love who I am and hope someday you can too, otherwise oh well
Life is great for me and I wish the same to you too, please realize that
And if you can't, who the fuck are you to judge me and my life?
I Am Waiting In Vain
I am waiting in vain for G-d to reward me for my persistence like Job
And I am waiting in vain for another season of Beavis and Butt-head
And I am waiting in vain for the women who obviously rejected me to text me
back
And I am waiting in vain for my generation to lose its simian values
And I am waiting in vain for a line than can sensically contain the phrase
"Plutonian values"
And I am waiting in vain for ideas in my dreams to become sensical enough
to please reality
And I am waiting in vain for new hobbies to occupy my time
And I am waiting in vain for Redditors to stop being dicks
And I am waiting in vain for everyone around me to stop making out on New
Year's Eve
And I am waiting in vain for my writer's block to end so I can come up with
something more creative than this Ferlinghetti rip-off.
I Miss Your Abuse
You were a tempest of intricate insult-crystals, every put-down poised in
harmonious hate
Wounds which gradually healed once I felt numb, but not as numb as I feel
without you here
Even the inanest of ignoramuses failed to hide his fear and awe to you, and
I am no exception
I chuckled at every mention of a man tit, guffawed at a Ginsberg reference,
haw-hawed at some horrible mockery of my autism
And it's probably no coincidence I lost 60 pounds within years of your fat
shaming, autopilot as it was
It was all in a day's work for you but those days are numbered and I
instead find myself feeling the aforementioned numbness when well-wishers
express sympathy and compliments
None of which feel real compared to your Real Tough Love
And yeah, there'll always be someone around to tell me you were probably
insecure and needed to bully others to feel better but fuck it, I needed you
and the rest of these imbeciles need you back too.
I Started Writing Again
I started writing again
When the disease shut down all other means of time usage
When I found myself in need of communication after years of mental neglect
When I found my simple success and sudden loves fleeting
When it turned out I was taking the wrong things for granted
When the times just became so fucking weird and possibly bad
And the future was so fucking uncertain while I sat alone
I started writing again regardless of what difference it makes.
I Stopped Writing Entirely
I stopped writing entirely
When I realized I wasn't saying anything new or profound
While my peers were innovating in ways I never dreamed of
And I stopped writing entirely
When I decided I just wanted to take things in and not comment on
everything
Attending trivia nights in order to learn and not to brag
And I stopped writing entirely
When the thoughts in my head became irrelevant to anything worth writing
about
After years of open WordPad docs left blank
I stopped writing entirely.
Isolation
It's great to be alone with no work for weeks
No customers to feel the need to impress
Spending days without seeing a single face
And doing whatever the hell you want
Or nothing at all for a change
I'm enjoying the boredom for once
It's nice to have time to myself
Never going outside to feel judged
They ask me about the future and I say fuck off
It's great to be alone once again.
It’s Nice
It's nice whenever my intrusive thoughts give out
The poems I can write aren't necessarily well-written or creative
But they're a nice break from the same five thoughts ad nauseum
And they give me something to do besides watch YouTube videos of silly
cartoon shows
Sometimes thinking can be fun
Even if some argue I think slower than they do
Just because I talk slower than they do
I don't care what they think
I just care what I think
And it's always nice to be able to think my own thoughts for a change
And write my poems for a change
Instead of writing someone else's.
Nice Day
It's a nice day to not be outside
Dealing with ungrateful bastards who don't care
Just drinking and watching movies and talking to people
So I love what I'm doing right now
It's all good on the inside where I can just be me
And not care what the other fuckers think
I love my life and if you don't, fuck you
My life is too important to go to waste.
Stop Telling Me to Write
Stop telling me to write when I don't want to write
Stop telling me to draw when I don't want to draw
If I wanted to write, I would write
But I don't so fuck off for God's sake
I can do nothing on my days off if I want to
I don't tell you how to live your life
I just keep to myself and don't bother anyone
If I wanted to write, I would write.
The Girls
The girls who I'm going to meet when this is all over
Are all kind and have helped me through these difficult times
And I commend them all for their sweetness
I love them so much and I hope they realize it
There's going to be a rough time ahead of us
But we have to face it with determination
This is unlike anything we have ever faced before
And I thank them for making it easier for me.
The Static Man
Sometimes it feels like everyone's changed but me
My parents are now divorced
My sister is now my brother
My grandma now has Alzheimer's
And I watch the same old cartoons
Listen to the same old songs
And find the same stupid things to be funny
I like being the Static Man though
At least I'm not the Stagnant Man.
Toxic
You were a good friend but you were toxic as hell
I enjoyed your company but hated it as well
We both treated each other like fucking shit
Though we lied to ourselves it was all in good fun
All those nights of you teaching me new tricks
And me teaching you new flicks
I kind of miss but it's best we moved on
There is other life besides this one.
Why Do They Matter
Why do they matter or have any influence on my day to day life
They do nothing for me and I've frankly done nothing for them
Why should I seek their forgiveness when it shouldn't make me stronger
Just keep on living one day at a time and cherishing every moment of it
Things will get better but things already are quite good
So time to realize how well things are going.
Traffic Lights
Paralyzed when the traffic light turns green
For a few seconds too many
Staring at all the staring drivers
While making the walk of shame
Judged for thinking too slow
By others who think too slow
When I'm just trying to cross the fucking street
And get some fucking beer!